blein: sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS...
muffinmachine: My grandpa got his first spam email and he called the police
I’ve never wanted to punch someone in the face so much.
your body is a choir and it’s singing to me and the thundering in my chest is a timpani so strike up the band, man let’s let that orchestra play
never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever again
You can’t live life from the sheets on your bed.
There’s faith and there’s sleep we need to pick one, please because faith is to be awake and to be awake is for us to think and for us to think is to be alive and I will try with every rhyme to come across like I am dying to let you know you need to try to think
awesomephilia: Whoever put the ‘b’ in the word ‘subtle’ deserves a pat on the back
these vices don’t hold me down they fucking carry me
But Death, she is cunning and clever as hell. And she’ll eat you alive.
Keep your hands to yourself.
There is no courage in flirting with fear to prove you’re alive.